Sipping Vodka

I received an e-mail today with a joke...I could not stop lauging!

A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. So he asked the Monsignor what to do. The Monsignor replied, “When I get nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I get nervous, I take a sip.”

So the next Sunday, he took the Monsignor’s advice. At the beginning of the sermon, the young priest got nervous and took a sip. He then proceeded to talk up a storm.

Upon his return to his office after mass, he found the following note on his door:

My Dear Father:

Today’s sermon was one of absolute uniqueness. I enjoyed it very much. However, allow me to clear up some things regarding your sermon:

1. There are 10 commandments, not 12.

2. There are 12 disciples, not 10.

3. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated!

4. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet on his ass!

5. We do not refer to Jesus as the late J.C.

6. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the Spook!

7. David slew Goliath; he did not kick the shit out of him!

8. When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, please don’t say he was stoned off his ass!

9. When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper, he said: Take this and eat it for it is my body.” He did not say: “Eat me!”

10. The Virgin Mary is not called “Mary with the Cherry”

11. The recommended grace before a meal is not: “Rub-A-Dub-Dub, thanks for the grub, Yeah God!”

12. And for the love of God, if you need some help, sip the damn vodka, don’t gulp!

Amen Father, and looking forward your next sermon.

John


LooOOOoOOOOOL!