Writers Block!

Okay...this is not intended to waste your time, but an attempt to make you laugh, or at least smile. Enjoy the rest of your day.

Oh, excuse some of the expressions, so please don’t take them personal. Cool?

Best Regards,

Jazz Central
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If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.
(Hardly seems worth it.)

If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.
(Disturbing...)

A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes.
(In my next life, I want to be a pig.)

A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death.
(Creepy...but I'm still not over the pig.)

Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories a hour
(Don't try this at home...maybe at work)

The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off.
("Honey, I'm home. What the....?!")

The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field.
(30 minutes..lucky pig! Can you imagine?)

The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.
(What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?)

Some lions mate over 50 times a day.
(I still want to be a pig in my next life...quality over quantity)

Butterflies taste with their feet.
(And the point is?)

The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.
(Hmmmmmm......)

Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.
(okay, so that would be a good thing?)

It is physically impossible to lick your elbow
(Who would do that?)

No word in the English Dictionary rhymes with "MONTH"
(Um...A, B, C, D...)

A cat's urine glows under a black light.
(I wonder who was paid to figure that out?)

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, but dish washing liquid is made with real lemons?
(Look, my plates are squeaky clean, and my hands are silky soft <---some cheezy ad)

An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
(I know some people like that.)

Starfish have no brains
(I know some people like that too.)

Why isn't Phonetic spelled the way it sounds?
(I speak England very best...)

The Electric chair was invented by dentists
(Be careful on your next visit...)

Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.
(What about that pig??)

If you spin around an Asian person several times, does he come disoriented?
(tsk..tsk...tsk)

Most people who read this tried to lick their elbow
(I would loved to see that!)

On average, 100 people choke on ball-point pens every year
(Stressed out at work aren't we?)

you tried to lick your elbow, didn't you?